Wishlist

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.” ― Louise Erdrich

Everything is temporary, Almost like a passing phase, Some of the laughter, some of the pain. What we would do, If we had the chance to explore What we had taken for Granted the very day before, Some would say I'm selfish, To hold a little sadness in my eyes, But they don't feel the sorrow When I can't do, all that helps me feel alive. I can express my emotions, but I can't run wild and free, My mind and soul would handle it but hell upon my hip, ankle and knees, This disorder came about, as a friendship said its last goodbyes, So this is what I got, for all the years I stood by? I finally standstill to question it, life it is in fact? What is the purpose of it all, if you get stabbed in the back? And after the anger fills the air, the regret takes it places. I never wanted to be that person, Horrid, sad and faded... So I took with a grain of salt, my newfound reality, I am not of my pain, the disability doesn't define me. I find a way t...

"When we two parted In silence and tears, Half broken-hearted To sever for years, Pale grew thy cheek and cold, Colder thy kiss; Truly that hour foretold Sorrow to this. The dew of the morning Sunk chill on my brow— It felt like the warning Of what I feel now. Thy vows are all broken, And light is thy fame: I hear thy name spoken, And share in its shame. They name thee before me, A knell to mine ear; A shudder comes o'er me— Why wert thou so dear? They know not I knew thee, Who knew thee too well: Long, long shall I rue thee, Too deeply to tell. In secret, we met— In silence, I grieve, That thy heart could forget, Thy spirit deceive. If I should meet thee After long years, How should I greet thee? With silence and tears.” ― George Gordon Byron, *When We Two Parted*

But I was young and didn’t know better and someone should have told me to capture every second, every kiss & every night because now I’m sitting here alone and it’s getting really hard to breathe because tears are growing in my throat and they want to break out and I just want to be somewhere silent somewhere still. But still, I don’t want to be alone because I’m scared and lonely and I don’t understand Because I was alone my whole life. My whole life I was so damn lonely and I was content with that because I liked myself and my own company and I didn’t need anyone I thought But then there was you..... So, someone should have told me that love is for those few brave who can handle the unbearable emptiness, the unbearable guilt and lack of oneself, because I lost myself to someone I love and I might get myself back one day but it will take time, it will take time. This is gonna take some time. I wish someone would have told me this. Someone should have told me this.” ― Charl...

I want to go out with you on Saturday night and close one bar, then another, then another, until we’re drinking cheap domestic beer from the bottle and dancing to 90's music we know all the words to. I want to see you in the red light of the hallway by the bathroom, in the stringed-up lights of the patio where everyone is smoking, in the soft lights they put on the tables in the back booths. I want to kiss you on a leather sofa in full view of strangers and tell you that I don’t usually get this drunk. I want to walk home with you, even though we should take a cab, even though it’s just a little too cold to not be wearing a jacket. I want to sing and stop to talk on the sidewalk and realize every 20 minutes or so that we still haven’t gotten back to the apartment. When you walk ahead of me, I want to run up behind you and mess up your hair and kiss your neck and tell you how much fun I had, even while I’m still having it. I want one of those Saturday nights that never quite feels...

"I want to go out with you on Saturday night and close one bar, then another, then another, until we’re drinking cheap domestic beer from the bottle and dancing to 90's music we know all the words to. I want to see you in the red light of the hallway by the bathroom, in the stringed-up lights of the patio where everyone is smoking, in the soft lights they put on the tables in the back booths. I want to kiss you on a leather sofa in full view of strangers and tell you that I don’t usually get this drunk. I want to walk home with you, even though we should take a cab, even though it’s just a little too cold to not be wearing a jacket. I want to sing and stop to talk on the sidewalk and realize every 20 minutes or so that we still haven’t gotten back to the apartment. When you walk ahead of me, I want to run up behind you and mess up your hair and kiss your neck and tell you how much fun I had, even while I’m still having it. I want one of those Saturday nights that never quite...